Did you realize your wins?

-
It has been an year I am living without my family. When I left my home, I was very excited. I remember around 3 in the morning, it was utter dark. My flight was around 6 AM. I wanted to go alone but Indian parents would never let a girl go alone when she is actually going to shift to a new city.

My mum was so sleepy that she slept in the car, my dad was just worried counting the number of my bags, my brother was worried about our dog back home alone and wanted to drop us as soon as he can and I was constantly smiling while looking at the empty sky. I'm not sure if you would understand the excitement of a kid who is going to be independent soon. I was scared, I was excited, I was happy, I was surprised, I had every emotion at that moment.

I have been wondering so long now about this fact, life keeps on giving us so many adventures. I have had been with a number of personalities since my school days and now when I look at them, everything's changed so much. There were people engrossed so much in Facebook and orkut back then I could not find a most of them on social media now. There were people who were always in the front, I cannot recognize them in a crowd now. There were people who were introverts, now posting stories working out and hanging out with people. There were even those who were never into studies and had nothing to do with future, now completing their MS abroad.
I wonder what must have changed these people! And then there are those as well who are the same, following the same pace in life.

If I look at myself, things have changed so much for me. My principles have changed. I am not what I used to be and this is really a mixed effort of all kind of decisions I have made resulting from the experiences I had. But in this journey of transformation, I really never got a chance to understand or observe these changes taking place in me. But now after 6-7 years, my brain is equipped enough to understand the change. Strange, isn't it? We ourselves do not know the things happening to us, the changes happening to us!

We all change so fast! Like, so so fast. It feels like yesterday I used to be in school and my little brother was always around me. He used to wait outside his class so I would come and hold his hand till we move out of the school gate. Now he is a grown man, he isn't the same who waits for his sister anymore. I never realized what worth that moment had when I was living it. But, things change and we understand when its gone.

We are so engrossed in this hustle of life and in an attempt to win that we do not realize we have been having our own little moments of wins all our life. Those were the wins that kept importance to oneself. We are in a world where we need to win for others and I do not see it wrong. But, in this run, I do not want to overlook the wins I had for myself.

When I had my brother holding my hand every morning while going school and coming back, in every birthday party we used to be in, he would sit in the same chair with me but now he has his own life, he does not need his sister's shadow to be in. When my parents didn't allow me to go to school with my own bicycle to when they gave me my own vehicle. When my parents used to take me to shop for every birthday of mine to me bringing gifts for my family every time I come home. When my grandmother with the longest and darkest hair, talking all day long and shouting on everyone to the silent old grey-haired lady of the family who cannot sleep worrying if I am doing well in a different state and city but still happy to see me this way. Things change and they do right infront of us but we fail to realize. We are winning in every situation but we fail to realize. When we win, the run ends, the things change but we do not see it. All of this is covered with the big picture that needs so many parts like these to be assembled together to even make a way for it.

Your life will seem worth, when you realize all your wins, and when you understand them. Did you realize your wins?





Popular posts from this blog

My explanation for losing it!

-
 No wonder there are so many thoughts that roam around in our head but we never find words to express them into or a person to pour it in. Sometimes we just make peace with what makes us uncomfortable or we might just get habituated of it being a part of our lives. Eventually, everything gets managed on our own.  I do wonder a lot of times on how do we make peace with something that bothers us to the core, do we forgive or just forget! A lot of times we do not even understand either of which have we opted to get over with it. Or do we just end what brings us that? All that I could observe by meeting a lot of people is that every person is structured in a different way. We do categorize people on them being understanding or non-understanding but we often fail to understand that every person had their own capacity to understand and own set of circumstances to understand on. Eventually everyone tries hard to deal with whatever that comes their way, fair enough because no one wants to get
Read more

What are you chasing?

-
Does this happen to you suddenly when you escape out in a world where you start thinking about all those little minor facts that just got ignored overtime. Those, that just got adjusted somewhere, it went flowing, just like that. Life is a chase, chase of dreams, chase of feelings, chase of goals, chase of money, chase of values and what not. All these years, we are just chasing some or the other thing. Did you realise this?  When you were a kid, you were chasing your imagination, when you were a teenager, you were chasing your goal, when you grew up to an adult, you were chasing settlement. Did we ever attain what we were trying to chase? Ever? Anything? Did you conquer your imagination? Did you get satisfied with your goal? Did you find settlement?  Aren't we hustling all our lives? And for what? The chase? The chase that we might never settle with, the chase that we might never be satisfied with, the chase that actually keeps on changing overtime. I wish everyone could
Read more

You are allowed

-
Have you ever been in a kind of situation that you regret? Or ever been jealous of someone?  Or felt miserable about yourself? Doesn't it feel embarrassing to admit this? To admit the worst fear of yours? To be in a position where you compare yourself or you compare the situation and feel the worst! I admit I have felt this way, multiple times. I have felt I'm no good. I felt what I'm doing will take me nowhere. I also have been stuck in a situation like this for a long time where all that I thought about myself was something miserable. My morning had negative thoughts, I couldn't gulp enough food, I felt no enthusiasm except when I accepted the facts. And by facts I mean to say the real facts, not what all the negatives that I had in my mind. For years, I had been living my life on one fact "LIFE MANAGES and everything falls into place", so for years, I took the situations for granted. I put the burden on the situations to get resolved on their own. Unt
Read more

Did you accept who you are?

-
 I remember an instance while I was out in another city with my friends for my internship and we just skipped that day and decided to go for a girls' day out, do some shopping, explore the malls around and end our day with an evening movie. We planned the day, made an excuse, somehow sneaked out of the workplace and went to a mall giggling and hustling. I was super-hungry, it was a rainy day, we didn't have vehicles on our own to commute but somehow we landed in the mall. We went to the food court, and I was in the mood to eat anything and everything but one of my friend didn't agree on eating there for some reason. We all were tired, I insisted on eating there but then as I was the only one in favour of it, we eventually decided to go out and eat somewhere else. The moment we were about to leave, it started raining heavily and we couldn't leave. We waited for 30 minutes but it didn't seem like the rain would stop, I was starving to a level where I would lose my con
Read more

Are you dead?

-
For all those who thought that losing something in life would cause them a long time of misery, disappointment and sadness. I remember my time when I lost my dog! I remember those 10 days of my first ever vacation without my family, when all that I planned was every minute of it to be fun. When I made sure that my dog was all well treated before I fly out of the city. I wanted to be so sure about her to be alright. I never knew she would die the next day. I never had even imagined. I even remember those cold conversations that I had with my mother about her being admitted to a pet’s hospital, also when I used to send pictures to my papa but he wouldn’t reply. Also the time when they were lying since the first day of my vacation just that other 9 days shouldn’t be ruined. I knew there was something wrong, I knew there’s something that i am unaware of, but never expected it to be her death. I even remember my scream and cry after stepping in 10 days later and reali
Read more

What about your Que?

-
Have you ever tried to sit under the moon, in complete silence, when there's no one watching, no one talking, it is all so silent and so real! Have you ever tried to understand what is going on with you, what is running in your life, where is your energy getting utilized. Have you also ever tried to recall all your mistakes and analyse what bad you've to go through to compensate! Again, Have you ever tried to still believe in yourself that you deserve the good and happy moments and that you're guilty for your mistakes! Did you? I had. I had done this a several times. These thoughts keep me sleepless for so long. Each passing second feels like this is the extreme point of trouble you can go through. I used to believe running away from people and situations like these is the best you can do to save yourself from these thoughts. At least you wouldn't ever have it to think about it. Right? Or, probably just escape out of these things because somewhere you believe
Read more

Bitter realisation

-
I grew up in a nuclear family. I had no one but only my mother, father and brother to look upon. I remember my childhood, I remember those summer holidays, I remember those mornings and also those noons that I spent with my family. I remember how dominant I used to be over my little brother. All those mornings when I used to stand at the window to wave my papa when he used to leave for work. Every other evening when exactly at 8:00, I used to stand at the same window waiting for  him to come home. I am lazy when it comes to kitchen work,  but back then I was the most curious child to make chapatis. My maa, giving me just a single chance to attempt a perfect chapati, which almost all the time, I failed! I can never forget those video game sessions. Me and my brother used to play video games the whole day. Maa used to scold us for being infront of tv whole day long, but we never listened to her. But then I also remember how exactly at 7:30, just before papa's time to come back hom
Read more

Yes! I'm an emotional fool.

-
I remember the lesson about Anne Frank that I learnt in my 9th grade, I guess. And I also remember the mark that it left on my mind, still intact but with increased effectivity. I remember all the thoughts that were dwelling in my mind, then. I remember the view of my classroom when I was learning about her. I remember it all, so well, that it still feels like yesterday. Such wonder, isn't it? All those things that imprint such deep marks in your life, even when the moments leave, that imprint doesn't fade away, rather it gets deeper and deeper with time. I am no less fan of her, even today. I see people around me, biggest fans of a certain actor or some others who die to get a single ticket of a certain pop concert. I find myself out of the crowd to tell people that one of my ultimate dream is to visit Anne Frank's museum in Amsterdam. Strange? I am no different until I decide to open up my thoughts and vision to people, that's when I feel like I'm so not among
Read more

My part of real reality!

-
I remember the times when I was in school, in 8th grade may be, and that's when I used to write all shitty stuff in my head on a paper whenever I had a free period. I also remember how I used to stare outside the window in those boring history lectures, and how I used to wonder about the rules of living life! I used to think how life would have been if I was in that era teacher was talking of. I was a very non-attentive kid all my life, I never took interest in what was being taught in the school unless and until I had the encounter of teachers giving me remarks for being non attentive and sleepy. I had always been a brilliant student whenever I took my studies seriously. There always was a time when I used to think of how I would look after 10 years, where I would stand when I'll be an adult. My life was and is full of these thoughts. Right from when I was a little kid, I had lived a life of fantasy. Thinking of me and my life out of the practical scenario. I was a day drea
Read more

Are you Powerful?

-
I have understood that people are so different. The differences that we have is because of the the difference in our thoughts. I look at this genetically. We are what our genes are! I am a female because I have the genes. I am an over-thinker because it is in my genes. I have a problem of anxiety, this is in my genes. I am what my genes are! But there's so much more to what we get in our heredity. Did you ever get a chance to realize? Do you have power enough to realize this? Realization is the most constructive and most destructive weapon you can have. My upbringing and experiences differ than what you've got and that makes us to see the world differently. I remember how I used to be in school. I was always happy because I couldn't see anyone who could make me sad. Because I didn't give anyone enough importance to come in my way of comfort. I was arrogant and I knew it was wrong, but I didn't realize what difference it would make if I'm not. I couldn't
Read more