My part of real reality!
I remember the times when I was in school, in 8th grade may be, and that's when I used to write all shitty stuff in my head on a paper whenever I had a free period. I also remember how I used to stare outside the window in those boring history lectures, and how I used to wonder about the rules of living life! I used to think how life would have been if I was in that era teacher was talking of. I was a very non-attentive kid all my life, I never took interest in what was being taught in the school unless and until I had the encounter of teachers giving me remarks for being non attentive and sleepy. I had always been a brilliant student whenever I took my studies seriously. There always was a time when I used to think of how I would look after 10 years, where I would stand when I'll be an adult. My life was and is full of these thoughts.
Right from when I was a little kid, I had lived a life of fantasy. Thinking of me and my life out of the practical scenario. I was a day dreamer, and I still am, won't ever get away with this fact. I was a fantasizer. I was totally unknown of my passion, what I wanted to become in my life. I remember the times when someone used to ask me about my ambition in life, I used to say that I want to become Miss India. When I passed my 10th grade, I wanted to become a Doc, but gladly it didn't take more than 6 months for me to realise that I didn't. I went on for a degree that included my interest and also my wonder. I wanted to go for journalism and I remember how bad I wanted to do it. I fought so hard with my family to let me go for it but my family wanted me to have a security regarding job and also my life. I somehow got convinced and gave up on the idea of being a journalist. I sometimes regret it, because convincing my parents had never been a big deal and I know I would have become an excellent journalist if I wanted to, no doubt. But it was a very late realisation.
I had always been an arrogant person, to all those people who fell down concerning my expectations. I had been a very rude person to those who hurt my feelings and who were near to me, also my parents. I regretted being this way but Life happens, you say right? I have had a life that every normal human being has! I had my part of experiences, and I always thought that I cannot get through them. Happens with everyone, isn't it? We stop focusing on what is good with us, we neglect all the worth scenarios in our lives and rather point on the negative ones. I'm glad that I realised it when people generally don't. Realisation and Implementation are two different things, right? I realised, but like most other even I fail to implement it. But atleast I try to see all the other multiple reasons for why I should stop being upset and be happy about.
I realised that I did not need to talk to others or that I did not need to take advise from them, my life had been a perfect teacher to teach me to make out the things going on pretty well. I'm glad, of course! I remember right from my school days when the problems used to be so so small, still my friends they used to come to me and talk about stuff. They thought they could understand it better from me. Talking about stuff made me happy. When I didn't have anyone to talk to, that's when I started writing on a piece of paper. I used to talk to myself about all that was going on.The reason that I was arrogant had made me live a long period of life in loneliness. That's when I used to see other people hanging out with friends and enjoying, and I had no one, not even a single friend to talk about all that was going on in my life. I was in the longest depression of my life. Its still makes me upset thinking about it. So, almost all of that time when I wanted to talk and I had no one, the only support I found was my pen and paper. That is when I used to write all the things I wanted to remind myself, all that I wanted in my life but it didn't turn out that way, all the things I used to fantasize of when I was a schoolie.
Today, when standing in present I think of myself as a very mature person and I can see people dealing a lot in their respective lives. I can see that so well. I am no superior to them, in regards to the experiences, intelligence, power or even situations. But may be I was better in realising, that's what I believe in. Sharing my thoughts, sharing the reality that I had always believed in is somewhere my part of happiness, its because I know how bad it feels when you have no support and how horrible it feels when you are alone to deal with it. Having experiences is a process that every person undergoes and its tough to get through your part. There are times when its all dark and there's no light and you struggle so so bad to see atleast a point of it. My problems had never been so big but I have heard of and seen even those in do or die situation. I had seen them shed tears of regret and disappointment. Reality is far off from what this world had defined it to be! Every person has its own reality to deal with. Real tough, isn't it? I don't know if there exists any solution for every kind of problem or not, but I know there's always a positive side to it. What matters is whether you can see it or not! I bet, this should be enough realisation, ain't it? Peace <3
Right from when I was a little kid, I had lived a life of fantasy. Thinking of me and my life out of the practical scenario. I was a day dreamer, and I still am, won't ever get away with this fact. I was a fantasizer. I was totally unknown of my passion, what I wanted to become in my life. I remember the times when someone used to ask me about my ambition in life, I used to say that I want to become Miss India. When I passed my 10th grade, I wanted to become a Doc, but gladly it didn't take more than 6 months for me to realise that I didn't. I went on for a degree that included my interest and also my wonder. I wanted to go for journalism and I remember how bad I wanted to do it. I fought so hard with my family to let me go for it but my family wanted me to have a security regarding job and also my life. I somehow got convinced and gave up on the idea of being a journalist. I sometimes regret it, because convincing my parents had never been a big deal and I know I would have become an excellent journalist if I wanted to, no doubt. But it was a very late realisation.
I had always been an arrogant person, to all those people who fell down concerning my expectations. I had been a very rude person to those who hurt my feelings and who were near to me, also my parents. I regretted being this way but Life happens, you say right? I have had a life that every normal human being has! I had my part of experiences, and I always thought that I cannot get through them. Happens with everyone, isn't it? We stop focusing on what is good with us, we neglect all the worth scenarios in our lives and rather point on the negative ones. I'm glad that I realised it when people generally don't. Realisation and Implementation are two different things, right? I realised, but like most other even I fail to implement it. But atleast I try to see all the other multiple reasons for why I should stop being upset and be happy about.
I realised that I did not need to talk to others or that I did not need to take advise from them, my life had been a perfect teacher to teach me to make out the things going on pretty well. I'm glad, of course! I remember right from my school days when the problems used to be so so small, still my friends they used to come to me and talk about stuff. They thought they could understand it better from me. Talking about stuff made me happy. When I didn't have anyone to talk to, that's when I started writing on a piece of paper. I used to talk to myself about all that was going on.The reason that I was arrogant had made me live a long period of life in loneliness. That's when I used to see other people hanging out with friends and enjoying, and I had no one, not even a single friend to talk about all that was going on in my life. I was in the longest depression of my life. Its still makes me upset thinking about it. So, almost all of that time when I wanted to talk and I had no one, the only support I found was my pen and paper. That is when I used to write all the things I wanted to remind myself, all that I wanted in my life but it didn't turn out that way, all the things I used to fantasize of when I was a schoolie.
Today, when standing in present I think of myself as a very mature person and I can see people dealing a lot in their respective lives. I can see that so well. I am no superior to them, in regards to the experiences, intelligence, power or even situations. But may be I was better in realising, that's what I believe in. Sharing my thoughts, sharing the reality that I had always believed in is somewhere my part of happiness, its because I know how bad it feels when you have no support and how horrible it feels when you are alone to deal with it. Having experiences is a process that every person undergoes and its tough to get through your part. There are times when its all dark and there's no light and you struggle so so bad to see atleast a point of it. My problems had never been so big but I have heard of and seen even those in do or die situation. I had seen them shed tears of regret and disappointment. Reality is far off from what this world had defined it to be! Every person has its own reality to deal with. Real tough, isn't it? I don't know if there exists any solution for every kind of problem or not, but I know there's always a positive side to it. What matters is whether you can see it or not! I bet, this should be enough realisation, ain't it? Peace <3