Bitter realisation
I grew up in a nuclear family. I had no one but only my mother, father and brother to look upon. I remember my childhood, I remember those summer holidays, I remember those mornings and also those noons that I spent with my family. I remember how dominant I used to be over my little brother.
All those mornings when I used to stand at the window to wave my papa when he used to leave for work. Every other evening when exactly at 8:00, I used to stand at the same window waiting for him to come home. I am lazy when it comes to kitchen work, but back then I was the most curious child to make chapatis. My maa, giving me just a single chance to attempt a perfect chapati, which almost all the time, I failed!
I can never forget those video game sessions. Me and my brother used to play video games the whole day. Maa used to scold us for being infront of tv whole day long, but we never listened to her. But then I also remember how exactly at 7:30, just before papa's time to come back home, that video game used to be back in the box and we both turned to good kids.
If someone would ever ask how it is like to be a "child me", I would answer someone completely ignorant, arrogant and loud. I lived on my own terms, I had hell lot of attitude and even number of enemies to look on. Yes, I did! I considered them on my own.
Strange, isn't it? Today, when I'm a 22 year adult and when I think of people, I remember myself as a kid. I was not a good daughter to have, I agree over it. I was studious always, topper always, winner always. But, I was full of proud, attitude, arrogancy. I was disrespectful to my parents. I was dominant over my brother. It was that time when I was a child and this was how the worst case of a child would look like. I was of this kind.
But today, I'm changed. And changed for the good. Not because I realised, I was a kid and realisation didn't exist for a child, but just because I became wiser.
I can still see that view, I still have that vision of me as a child. I can see that road and that window, I can see papa on his bike waving me, I can see that crooked chapati, I can see my brother crying because of me, I can see maa scolding, I can see those video games and that old tv set, I can see it all. I never knew these things would stay in my mind forever. Today, when I ask of how can I remember those moments so well, my mind always flashes the kind of happiness that I had in those moments. I was purely happy and that is the reason I can never let it out of my mind.
I do not remember all those situations when I was not a well behaved child, I only remember when my parents loved me and kissed me on my cheeks, despite of all!
I can of course not get those moments back, but yes today I do apply the lessons from it. The lessons that I realise today, after years.
All that matters are the moments of happiness, that is what we remember. We do not remember people who did bad to us often, but we always remember those who made every attempt to make us happy and feel good. We cherish our childhood, because we didn't care but we were cared. We were foolish but we had people around to care. Do we have it now, when we are adults? Are we worried because now we have to care for ourselves? Does anyone guide us? Are we ready to take help? Does anyone understand who we are?
Childhood and Adulthood are indeed a paradox together! Bitter realisation.
All those mornings when I used to stand at the window to wave my papa when he used to leave for work. Every other evening when exactly at 8:00, I used to stand at the same window waiting for him to come home. I am lazy when it comes to kitchen work, but back then I was the most curious child to make chapatis. My maa, giving me just a single chance to attempt a perfect chapati, which almost all the time, I failed!
I can never forget those video game sessions. Me and my brother used to play video games the whole day. Maa used to scold us for being infront of tv whole day long, but we never listened to her. But then I also remember how exactly at 7:30, just before papa's time to come back home, that video game used to be back in the box and we both turned to good kids.
If someone would ever ask how it is like to be a "child me", I would answer someone completely ignorant, arrogant and loud. I lived on my own terms, I had hell lot of attitude and even number of enemies to look on. Yes, I did! I considered them on my own.
Strange, isn't it? Today, when I'm a 22 year adult and when I think of people, I remember myself as a kid. I was not a good daughter to have, I agree over it. I was studious always, topper always, winner always. But, I was full of proud, attitude, arrogancy. I was disrespectful to my parents. I was dominant over my brother. It was that time when I was a child and this was how the worst case of a child would look like. I was of this kind.
But today, I'm changed. And changed for the good. Not because I realised, I was a kid and realisation didn't exist for a child, but just because I became wiser.
I can still see that view, I still have that vision of me as a child. I can see that road and that window, I can see papa on his bike waving me, I can see that crooked chapati, I can see my brother crying because of me, I can see maa scolding, I can see those video games and that old tv set, I can see it all. I never knew these things would stay in my mind forever. Today, when I ask of how can I remember those moments so well, my mind always flashes the kind of happiness that I had in those moments. I was purely happy and that is the reason I can never let it out of my mind.
I do not remember all those situations when I was not a well behaved child, I only remember when my parents loved me and kissed me on my cheeks, despite of all!
I can of course not get those moments back, but yes today I do apply the lessons from it. The lessons that I realise today, after years.
All that matters are the moments of happiness, that is what we remember. We do not remember people who did bad to us often, but we always remember those who made every attempt to make us happy and feel good. We cherish our childhood, because we didn't care but we were cared. We were foolish but we had people around to care. Do we have it now, when we are adults? Are we worried because now we have to care for ourselves? Does anyone guide us? Are we ready to take help? Does anyone understand who we are?
Childhood and Adulthood are indeed a paradox together! Bitter realisation.